Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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