she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
