I need to stop coming to work sober
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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