I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
