He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
