never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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