he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
