so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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