She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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