dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
