I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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