woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
