It was confusing and full of hummus
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
