aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
