So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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