What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
