got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize