i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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