Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize