My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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