Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
