just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
