i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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