He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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