Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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