I feel like I'm in dance class right now
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
