why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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