If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
