Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
