we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize