so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
