Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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