Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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