Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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