some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
