yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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