The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
