You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
