so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
