When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
