Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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