cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
