I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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