I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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