Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
