? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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