she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
