My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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