We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
