Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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