Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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