kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
