Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
two words: eviction party
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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