i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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