"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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