Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
