There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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