9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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