haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You smell like stripper and shame
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
