new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize