the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
