Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
