it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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