STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
