my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
