Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't think brook has ever known best
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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