STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
is that a dick in a sweater?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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