so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize