i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
