Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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