epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
